...a series of tubes

Unofficial blog of Senator Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) that he uses to address the blogging community on the issues of Network Neutrality.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Internets - A Quagmire of Technology

As you are probably aware, many people in the United States do not understand the issue of Network Neutrality. Let me explain it to you.

When someone wants to send a message over the internet, they first have to type the words with a keyboard. The keyboard appears to be made of plastic keys and metal, but can really be thought of as many small telegraph machines. Each telegraph machine tells the computer through a series of beeps and boops what to do and these beeps and boops are converted, by something called a Hard Drive, into packets of information (this is achieved by technology, and a Hard Drive got its name because technology is very hard to understand). These packets can be thought of as little balls of goo, which are sticky, exactly like the burrs that get caught on your wool pants when you hike through a berry patch.

These sticky balls of goo then have to pass through a series of pipes, which are exactly like the oil pipelines found throughout my home state of Alaska. Small internets like messages can usually travel through these pipes, but when someone tries to send something big, like a movie (which is made up of lots of goo), things can go wrong.

You see, before I was elected Chairman of the US Senate Commerce Committee, many people thought that the internet was like a big truck.
This is because trucks have unlimited capacity, which everyone knows is true.

Since no one is able to understand my explanation, I am asking for your help. Please send me your internets atseriesoftubes@gmail.com explaining how the big internet works so that everyone can understand. If you have any pictures that will help me explain, I can show them on the Senate floor. Remember, my internets is clogged so you should email me at least 5 days in advance.

Senator Ted Stevens


  • At July 27, 2006 7:54 PM, Blogger Grumnut said…

    The problem is not with your personal Internet, which only connects you with yourself. You could send hundreds of movies a day to yourself, and you would still receive any email you sent to yourself almost instantly. I think the problem is when you want to send an email to the person down the road, who is sending movies to himself (or herself, as I've heard women also use the internets). Your email may end up in the middle of one of their movies (which could ruin a good bit) and they get cranky and have to send the whole thing to themselves again. Do you think they will respond affirmatively to your request? Not on your life. Therefore it's safer to ring them first to make sure they are free to receive your email, unless the phone is tied up because they are on the Internet.

  • At January 22, 2007 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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